Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
