jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
