My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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