ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I am spending my child support on dildos
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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