pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she looked like the before picture.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
