Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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