I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
