I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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