Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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