All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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