I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
