He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Couch. On fire.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
