in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
