i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He better not be in your backpack
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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