doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
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P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I will be naked everywhere
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
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So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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