He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Did I show you my penis last night?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize