I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize