Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
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