Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
