wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
