Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
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Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
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You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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