oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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