You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
