part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
