You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
