they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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