Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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