my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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