New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
