How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
