I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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