Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize