oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
