Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
