youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
