i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
