i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college