at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler