dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over