remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.