Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.