He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
