i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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