It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
