Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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