I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
