bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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