You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
