If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
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his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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