Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
