I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
