So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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