Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dicks are not precious.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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