I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
