Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
