the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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