Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
