I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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