If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
