My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
