K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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