I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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