You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
