Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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