Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
