Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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