R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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