I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
