so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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