Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
