just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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