dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
