There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
